You are 32ish. That’s still very young in the grand scheme of things and plenty of time to turn things around. Went through this myself, and did a complete 180 at the ripe age of 41, so you are way ahead than me.
Introspection can only work so much. “Extro”spection can be twice as effective. You can only know so much internally.
You mention not having love for the “art”. What do you have love for? Or what pulls you towards it, even if only slightly? Have you explored that or given it enough time to turn into something?
Looking for inherent meaning in work can be a mirage. You have to “create” that meaning for whatever you are doing.
I have written about my own experience that might be useful.
Be careful with an impermeable vapor barrier especially if adding one. It may work perfectly for keeping water out of the wall cavity in winter, but become the condensation layer in summer - on the wall side!
You can use smart vapor control layers (such as Intello) to counteract this - but be sure you’ve discussed how the wall can dry out if it gets wet.
And the worst of all is if you end up with two vapor barriers - one on the inside and one on the outside - you’ll end up with a “dirty diaper” effect.
Journaling for me is an essential tool for emotional regulation and self-knowledge. This wasn't always the case because I learned in school to write for someone else. If I'm not writing for someone else then who am I writing for? I'm writing for my future self, but who is that? My future self is determined by the thoughts and experiences I am having now, so if I can understand through writing where I am now in the world then I can make better decisions about where I am going. In effect, writing is a way of programming myself. If I am to be captain of my own ship then I need to keep a log to better learn from past experiences. I've found writing is the best way to collaborate with other parts of myself as Huxley says
If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.
- Lao Tzu
It doesn't need to be imagined, it needs to be written down
- Philip Glass
I like the feeling of words doing as they want to do and as they have to do
- Gertrude Stein
My fate cannot be mastered; it can only be collaborated with and thereby, to some extent, directed. Nor am I the captain of my soul; I am only it's noisiest passenger
- Aldous Huxley
Good composition is like a suspension bridge; each line adds strength and takes none away... Making lines run into each other is not composition. There must be motive for the connection. Get the art of controlling the observer – that is composition
- Robert Henri
Memory is the major element in cognition, in everything that we call the humanities. If you cannot remember, then you can't think and you can't imagine, and you can't write, and you can hardly read
- Harold Bloom
The characters in my novel are my own possibilities that were not realized
[0] https://docs.julialang.org/en/v1/stdlib/REPL/