If I math this out right $300K - $100K taxes (your estimate) - $86K tuition = $114K which is still a lot higher than the median household income (which I'm pretty sure is still pre-tax). That said, I think you are onto something - these schools are for the elite; not the merely well-to-do or below.
I also went to state school, so I'm not really dissing the thing, though people here would probably laugh at me if I said how much money I make, so maybe your mileage may vary on that one. But my perception (which could certainly be mistaken) is that the elite degrees actually have a huge premium, which is why there is so much competition for them.
Then they'd have to choose one or the other. My parents told me in no uncertain terms that there was no money to send me to private school, so I didn't apply to them; I'm also quite allergic to debt.
I had a paper pointed out to me recently that I found enlightening.
> The recent proliferation of studies examining cross-national variation in the association between parenthood and happiness reveal accumulating evidence of lower levels of happiness among parents than nonparents in most advanced industrialized societies.
It seems that the pressures we place on parents as a society have grown as we've advanced. I certainly am not built to deal with that kind of stress, and given the dropoff in fertility, I think that that's a more common view these days.
I took a much different route. I barely got out of highschool ( although I was at the point where I would of taken a GED test and walked out).
Then I did well in community college, couldn't afford my last year of college, dropped out. Worked for a very cool startup for a bit, and I was making a very respectable salary without a degree.
Eventually I finished my degree at a very cheap state school, but it hasn't really mattered. My major is in some unrelated non sense. Gets me past HR filters though.
Ultimately I just really love programming, I learned enough to get my first job with an old laptop. I reckon anyone with a 100$ laptop ( install Linux on whatever you can find on eBay) can learn programming for free.
My real belief is college is a nice to have, but shouldn't be required to start a career. If anything I think most people should take a bit of time to work and figure out what they enjoy before commiting to school.
The numbers just don't make sense. I don't have kids so I'll probably cross that bridge if I get to it, but there's a limit.
You can have a great future with community college + state school.