Really well said. I would even go further and say that the "smart people with expertise" even disagree on matters like this and are operating on imperfect, vague information. Knowing that, it seems even more ridiculous to ask passersby about their opinion on this. Of course you can have an opinion, but keep in mind you're likely operating in 99% fog. Just my two cents.
In a landmark 20 year study, Professor Philip Tetlock showed that even the average expert was only slightly better at predicting the future than random guesswork. Tetlock’s latest project, an unprecedented government funded forecasting tournament involving over a million individual predictions has since shown that there are, however, some people with real demonstrable foresight.
Really enjoyed this comment--thanks for sharing. Game development really sounds like such a different beast from standard line-of-business programming. Always enjoy hearing stories about it and reading books about it (Masters of Doom comes to mind).
Thanks! I've been thinking a lot recently about maybe getting some of my own stories down. The late 90's were a really fascinating time to be in games.
And I loved Masters of Doom, too, although it was weird reading it and occasionally seeing people I knew show up in it, briefly.
You should write them down. I would love to read them, and I'm positive many others would, too. The 90s gaming scene is incredibly fascinating to read about, especially as it started to shift from the cowboy ethic to the corporate ethic (both have their pros and cons). I think I speak for a lot of us when I say we'd love to hear what you have to share.
Can you share how you got through this period and found alignment? I’m going through something similar to what you’ve described. Not the hospital situation—I’m sorry to hear about your mom—but more so the thoughts darting rapidly on their own. I can’t seem to get ahold of them either, and I notice it getting worse. Lots of intrusive thoughts, lots of “open cycles” that cause me mental strain, lots of down cycles too. If you could share, I’m curious how you channeled it into something positive and grew* as a result.
In my case, it was almost out of existential need. I could see myself falling apart to the point of not being functional or even doing something to myself, and I knew that my parents were depending on me.
So out of existential need, I intentionally starting taking on large, creative projects at work that I knew would hold my interest and consume my thoughts. In some cases, this meant undertaking projects of my own volition and "asking for forgiveness rather than permission" at work.
In part because of a couple of articles I read on the scientifically shown improvement of outcomes of cancer patients with positive attitudes, and because I knew my mom already had several negative voices around her daily, I decided my role with her would be relentlessly positive.
An attitude of "we don't know the future, all things are possible, and anything can be overcome with the right set of inputs -- we just need to find what those are". I quickly adopted this attitude for myself, and it allowed me to embrace failure more - because the attitude wasn't predicated on being the best, but rather of overcoming.
Granted, this was all about 6 years ago. Since then, much has changed, and I do find myself facing similar issues again. Without the presence of something "existential" pushing me, I am finding it harder to overcome this time myself.
As with most things, though, feedback cycles are a thing. Negativity feeds on itself, and success begets success, so the first step is finding whatever you can to help break the feedback loop. Catch any negative thoughts as quickly as you can, and redirect them from fatalistic into something malleable.
Catch any random, distracting "I need to Google this" type thoughts as they happen, and write them down on a notebook as something you should Google later, but not right now.
One important thing at the start is that, you don't have to necessarily believe every positive mantra or habit you say, you just have to do it. Over time, the believability will come on its own.
If you can get momentum going towards the positive instead of the negative, break the feedback loop, and get onto the "success begets success" side of it, it gets much easier.
Hope that helps and makes sense. Wish I had an actual, easy answer, but a lot of it is just trying things until you see what works, and being consistent above all else.
Good luck, and if you come up with any of your own tips, please let me know, because as I said - for as much as I've been through this before successfully, I can see it happening again, and I'm realizing it's time to deal with it again myself.
Thanks for the response. Really appreciate it. This is really helpful.
The existential need you mentioned is really powerful. Now that you mention it, the last time I felt really mentally aligned, well, and focused was when I was out of work. I also had a situation where people were depending on me, and it…it wasn’t perfect but it really filtered out a lot of these other thoughts and impulses. Maybe there’s something there about a goal that exists beyond ourselves. Good callout, I’d totally forgotten about that.
I hear you on the consistency. I’m trying that myself too. Just committing to a few actions even if my brain is completely working against me. Again, mixed results, but I’m finding that something is better than nothing, and that, like you said, success begets success.
Wow, what a perfect description—“impulses happening erratically in my mind.” I’ve been trying to…get to the root of this in my own life lately. I also find myself writing feverishly during these states. I call them “soft manic” states, soft because I know that mania is a real thing, and so I don’t want to co-opt that term completely.
I had one this past weekend actually. I ended up writing about 15-20,000 words, but most of it doesn’t make any sense. I mean the sentences and paragraphs do, but there’s no coherence to any of it. “Impulses on the mind”, like you said. They’re really affecting my day to day life. I’ll have a period where I feel content and motivated—about my job, for example—and then I’ll have a sharp drop off where, sometimes for days, I’ll find myself in one of these down cycles.
In fact I’m unsure if anything I’ve even said makes sense. How have you dealt with these mental impulse?
I recently came across internal family system model. I am testing it currently and it has huge promise. Very good book on topic from inventor Richard C. Schwartz: Internal Family Systems Therapy.
This may sound trite but have you tried mindfulness meditation? I'm far from an expert but my understanding is that instead of fighting or avoiding all the chaos in your mind, you sit quietly still and let the thoughts wash over you and just listen to them without judgement or opinions. Just observe what is happening.
If you get locked into a particular thought or topic, first notice it, then let it go.
It's extremely difficult to do but over time this practice of noticing builds a mental muscle and helps you focus your thoughts towards what you want when you want.
Thanks for the suggestion! I tried this a decade ago, for something unrelated, and I recall it not having much of an effect, but if I’m being honest I don’t remember if I gave it enough time either.
It’s been circling around in my head for a few weeks now. This might be the kick in the ass I need to give it another go. The stuff you said about getting locked onto a topic is something I have a lot of trouble with. It’s been a little jarring for me to “realize” that you’re not really in control of your mind, just parts of it, and maybe fewer than we like to think. It can just have all these thoughts and patterns without your consent, so to speak. It’s the locking on / latching on that uproots me.
For me these impulses are mostly like uncontrolled pop ups of a kind of creativity. Somehow those appear addictive, my theory is, that is why they come in large bursts, unintentionally I persuade parts of my brain to produce new ideas. But too much is too much, causing overload and chaos.
I think it helps to make lists of things and ideas. Then
(1)prioritize. This will already generate more order and again some sense of control.
(2) just scratch out a lot of them, you do not need to follow all those paths. 10 or so can remain.
(3) only act upon the top prorities and just rely on the fact that you wrote down the gists of your other non scratched ideas, so you don't have to keep them all in mind.
(4) Some things of the list, you will find them outdated or silly after a while, so those become easy to scratch and let them go out of your mind as well.
(5)well done, you will find your ideas and way of working is a lot more organised!
Thanks. I love that. #3 and #4 are helpful. I need to get out of the "This is the most important thing ever!" impulse when it arises. My mind goes into a complete overhaul in that direction, and I find the whole thing incredibly discomforting. I like what you said about having a list of things along with priorities. I'm trying to do that a little more--I call them "anchors", things you can sort of rally around when the impulses start firing uncontrollably. Thanks again--appreciate your response!
For me I would call the feeling "overwhelmed", it might lead to a kind of anxiety.
I compare the lists to wishlists on ali or amazon. Instead of giving in to the temptation of buying something that is featured when you are shopping for something else, just add it to the wish list. At your next stop, maybe months later, you will see the wish list and say: what was i thinking?
Well said! I was thinking something along these lines--that there must be some sort of correlation between physical health and mental sharpness. Maybe that's why professors are typically fairly lean.
Thanks. That's good advice. I have noticed a tendency to shy away from things more often lately--when I'm diving into one of our legacy systems at work, for example, if I come across something I don't understand, I immediately start to get frustrated, panicked, and look for a way to get this assignment off my back. Spending a bit more time not knowing, and more time diving in, might be the better approach here.
Appreciate it. I was thinking of reading more books, too, but it might be better to think about what I want to achieve, as you mentioned. It's all quite vague in my head. I just feel a lot more mentally sluggish / sloppy than I used to when I was younger. I get the feeling my 20-year-old self would run [mental] circles around me. Who am I kidding--physical ones too!
Yeah, I do wonder how much of this is "smartphone-induced" sometimes. I can almost "feel" my brain growing increasingly sluggish by the day...maybe a break is in order.
More on this point, I think it’s important to realize that a lot of technology (like phones) puts you in a “reaction” loop as opposed to your brain’s natural state of “self-entertainment?” for lack of a better term. Thinking is a muscle, you have to work it and looking at memes, tweets, api docs, etc is all fundamentally just reacting to something. Go plan something, design something, anything. But all this comes after sleep. Fix your sleep first if necessary.
