The one thing that really stands out about Christmas growing up was how amazing my dad was at giving gifts that sparked my curiosity about the world. Instead of focusing on toys and games, he often chose books (scientific) and kits (RadioShack). While today you can easily find gifts that combine fun and learning, growing up in the '70s and '80s, it was usually one or the other. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy a good toy or game—they could also stimulate imagination and creativity—but it was the books and kits that truly shaped who I would become.
I also had an aunt who loved giving magazine subscriptions. Thanks to her, I had long-running subscriptions to Discover, Scientific American, Omni, and later BYTE. And, of course, the most important one of all: Dungeon!
I voluntarily left the workforce a few years ago, and I'm fortunate that my wife, a teacher, has a solid job earning over $100k a year. While that’s not a huge amount, it’s enough for us to live comfortably. What we discovered during this transition was eye-opening: most of my income had been going toward discretionary spending, much of it wasteful. Now, even though I only generate $200–$500 a month in passive income from a few books I sell on Amazon (gotta love passive income), we’re actually living better than before. This is thanks to paying off debt, living more within our means, and both of us feeling more personally fulfilled.
So, what do I do now?
* Household management: I handle cooking (about half), cleaning, shopping, finances, repairs—basically all the day-to-day stuff.
* Supporting my wife: I act as her personal assistant. I write emails, grants, and curriculum; create her presentations and visuals; and handle whatever else she needs so she can focus on teaching. With my help, she’s raised over $100k in two years to support her program—not too shabby!
* Pet parent: I’m a proud cat and dog dad.
Side projects: I’m working on a web app that I hope will generate income someday.
* Writing a novel: For the first time, I’ve moved past the endless planning stage and am actually writing! I’ve also got more ideas in the works.
* Tabletop game design: I have about ten tabletop games in various stages of development, and a few are done. I’d love to get at least one published. A friend and I even created a tabletop game that teaches condensed matter physics (CMP 101 level) with funding from an NSF grant. It’s more of a euro-game than an edu-game, and we’re looking to publish it and maybe turn it into an app.
* Self-care: Decades of work, especially in startups, took a toll on me emotionally and physically. Today, I'm more organized, more productive, more focused, and more motivated than ever. I have a lot of work to do to repair my health, but I'm working on it.
What I’m finally able to do:
* Engage in emotionally rewarding activities instead of draining ones.
* Pursue personal goals and dreams I’ve always put on hold.
* Channel my energy into supporting my wife, which has made her happier and more fulfilled in her career—a first for her.
* Be the master of my own destiny rather than living on someone else’s terms.
I do feel some anxiety about putting the financial burden on my wife. She understands and values the contributions I make to our household and her career, so there’s no resentment on her part. Still, I worry about what would happen if she lost her job or couldn’t work. I cope by focusing on the fact that the things I’m pursuing can generate income. If I channel my energy positively and healthily into these pursuits, I believe they eventually will.
I grew up in a shooting and hunting family. Whenever we were driving around town my dad would point out a wheel weight on the ground at a stop light/sign and my brother and I would jump out of the Land Cruiser and collect it. This was the 80s of course so we were drinking out of hose bibs, riding our bikes on high-traffic streets without helmets, and playing live Frogger to collect wheel weights. It was a game to my brother and I because wheel weights came in various shapes and sizes so it was fun to see if we could land a whopper. We would also stop by Tire stores and scour the parking lot for them. At some point we would melt the lead down into bars using a crucible. These would be later cast into bullets. My brother and I were also (in hindsight) child slave laborers that were tasked with reloading cartridges and shotgun shells for target shooting and trap/skeet. In our house this was considered a chore. This was our childhood. None of us ever used gloves or masks during any step in this process.
In a recent conversation over breakfast I brought up lead poisoning and my dad was adamant (in his conspiratorial way) about how all of that lead exposure via handling lead and inhaling lead fumes didn't result in any significant health problems for us. I'm assuming he meant that we all weren't dead yet. He's 80 and a wreck. He's had all sorts of health issues include recent cancer remission. I'm 55 and I've had nerve issues since my teenage years which manifests itself as a noticeable tremor in my right hand that has got worse over time. I developed adult onset asthma in my late teens. I have a host of other health conditions as well. Who knows how much of that is tied back to lead exposure.
I have done over a year of keto on two separate occasions and found it VERY easy to maintain. I contribute this to a high level of satiety while consuming foods high in healthy fats and protein. I rarely had cravings. My go-to fat is coconut oil which I put in my morning coffee and can add to just about any cooking and soups (coming up on soup season so bone broth and coconut oil is my go to). Just about anywhere you go out to eat you can find something that is keto-friendly. Anecdotally, during both of these stints I did not need to take my long term asthma medication and my frequency of use for my emergency inhaler was considerably lower.
I heard about keto diet and tried severely limiting sugar and other carbs intake. I instantly felt better and lost 6kg in two months. Sticking to the new diet was pretty easy. Now after 6 months I have constant headache, painkillers don't work, constantly tired and no further weight loss whatsoever. Every test was ok, sugar perfect, just insulin in upper bound of range. Limiting sugar is not panacea. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
I personally had the opposite experience when it came to highly collaborative SMALL teams. In my last WFH project, lasting a couple of years, we worked 8 hours a day in a video call with our cameras turned on (most of the time). We did code collaboration in VSCode, design collaboration in Figma, and database/architectural collaboration in Miro. Everything else was via screen share. For our team it was HIGHLY effective. It didn't hurt that we all enjoyed working with each other. The choice to work in video calls with our cameras on was less about accountability and more about feeling connected. Nobody judged if your camera was off or you left the call. Easily the best years of my career.
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I totally get where you're coming from. I voluntarily left the workforce and now we live off my wife's income as a public school teacher. She’s got about 15 years until retirement, and while we’re not rich, we’re definitely comfortable. Surprisingly, we’ve managed to do better financially on a single income than we did with two.
Leaving the traditional workforce was an easy decision for me. COVID had me working from home, and my startup didn’t make it through the pandemic—raising capital was tough. Once I experienced working from home, I knew I couldn’t go back to the office or work for anyone else.
I feel the same way about retirement. While my wife supports us financially, I support her by managing the household. I take care of the pets, make her lunch, clean, help with her lessons and emails, and handle groceries and errands. I really enjoy this role. It frees me up to work on personal projects like novel-writing and developing a SaaS product I’m passionate about.
I get a lot of satisfaction from making my wife’s life easier, especially since being an elementary school teacher is no walk in the park. Thanks to my support, she’s been able to raise over $60k for a unique program at her school in just two years. She’s sharing her success stories at conferences worldwide, and seeing her thrive makes me happy too.
I’m not spending my time golfing or vacationing. I keep my mind sharp and enjoy the work I do. Yes, I worry about the future—like the fear of being so sick that I become a burden, and no, I don’t have enough saved up for that possibility.
I feel like my generation (X) is in a tricky spot, but for now, I’m content.
My buddy's wife like cruises. He tolerates them. What he does is packs one full suitcase with books and spends the entire time catching up on reading, either in his suite or the boat library (which some have). He does disembark at ports for tours.
He is a college professor so utilizing this time to catch up on reading is very important to him. His wife gets to drink, gamble, and spend money which makes her happy.
