No. Only trial and error. Most of those I've hung on to the longest didn't know what I was until years later. Though they knew I was different than most people.
As someone who is. You don't get more efficient in that manner. You can get efficient in other ways. But there's no breaking the laws of physics, biology, or the wiring you were born with.
What you describe happens to me especially in groups. My trick is to pick a point slightly off - their forehead, a little to the side, a random visible point just past them - and focus there. It's almost imperceptible to most especially if they're caught up in the convo, and allows me to process. Sometimes in a long convo, I may have to change my focus point multiple times. It takes practice, and you only get that actually talking to people.
Another thing to keep in mind depending on severity. Depending on her niche (the 1 or 2 things her brain specializes in) social interaction over an extended period will make her mentally tired. In a large group, this can happen exponentially.
I do okay one on one. Or in groups of up to half a dozen or so. However, I built my coping mechanisms over 30+ years. Even then, I have to pace myself, for example if I am at a party. I've spoken to large groups before as part of my day work and volunteer work. 2-4 hours at a party or 20-60 minutes in front of 100+ people, and I am exhausted. This is because the part of the brain I'm using for that task in me wasn't built for that.
If you want an analogy, imagine the hardware bits of a computer for an analogy of my brain. Now imagine all the parts are wired together differently from the standard architecture of such a system. The GPU is being used for CPU tasks, so other part is being used for a purpose not originally designed, and so on. The OS has been written to compensate for the architecture change but there's no documentation and the person who wrote it has vanished. Topper, the video and audio outputs instead of going to a monitor and speaker are hooked instead to a blender full of margarita mix. Basically, that's my life.
That doesn't mean she can't make friends and have a fulfilling life. It doesn't mean she doesn't feel as much as others. If anything, my emotions are probably more intense than a lot of folks. Aggravated by not being able to express them effectively. The friends you do make and keep mean that much more, especially if they know what you are. If also means she may feel her failure to keep some friends more deeply. I have kept friends through adulthood and a war or two. I've also lost some and I will never stop missing that particular part of my soul.
Try the slightly off focus point trick, give it time and practice.
I'm a network engineer and product manager. Add'l skill sets in biotech, security, and electronics. At the physical layer I've worked with all kinds of RF (satellite, HF, VHF/UHF line of sight, cellular). I don't consider myself a dev, but can find my way around.
Where I shine are efforts that are time and/or budget constrained, may involve working around bureaucratic constraints, and collaborating with team members of vastly different skill sets. I often wear multiple hats on such tasks.
While I am currently in SoCal, I would prefer to relocate if possible. I'm targeting the Bay Area. However, I'm open to other locations. Thanks for your time and consideration.
