I think the "ClosedAI" jokes have been pretty boring since before the first person even made them. Every comment thread has at least 4 people making it
I wonder if you'd see "bank runs" happen spontaneously as nervous fans see the number of available tickets start to drop, causing a spontaneous feedback loop.
Each simultaneous call costs you ~100Kbps. An SMS is 140 bytes, and limited by desired SMS throughput. I use a T-Mobile femtocell with a SpaceX Dishy, but VSAT (64 Kbps up to 8 Mbps) should be fine for SMS only.
McMurdo could run their own BTS and provide SMS access only to mobile phones if the desire and funding was available. This would give you a legit mobile network registration.
This is a clever piece of marketing by Vice!