Think about it for a second. You can hire cops, doesn't matter what the cost. Oh, hi officer, you work for me as a security officer in your down time. Hey, if you still want that work, why don't we just agree to ignore that traffic infringement?
That customer posting a bad review of my restaurant. He's acting like he's been on the wacky tabacky, nudge nudge... Best get him out of here to the police station, and whilst you're about it those comments are clearly drug affected. Just clear them. Incidentally, about that bonus for working extra hours - I put that in your account last night.
Good work officer!
edit: my new iPad didn't pick up the fact I wrote restaraunt. Aside from being a great typo to say aloud, wtf?