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> you need to understand where someone else is coming from / what their motivations are before trying to "fix" things or "pitch" them.

To extend upon that, I think listening is important in order to understand what people actually mean by what they say. Just because what they are saying is imperfect doesn't mean that the actual point they are trying to get across is invalid. I've noticed that people spend effort coming up with the next response that they only bother to argue against the surface of what the other person is saying without taking into account the actual substance and intent.



I think this perspective/skill is extremely powerful. It is also extremely hard.

I try to repeat to myself "find something to agree with" whenever I encounter a difficult situation. Sometimes I succeed.

Other questions I found useful are:

"In what circumstances does that make sense?" "What part of that might be useful?"

This is also a step in the "Five Secrets of Effective Communication" as described in the Feeling Good podcast.




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