You have been though trauma - whether or not it was self inflicted or your fault or anyone else's fault is nto the issue here at the moment. You are still in the midst of it (gathered from your writing) and it will pass (hopefully).
Look around and see if there is something you can do that involves service to your community (however you define that). For me volunteering as an EMT on weekends has helped me a lot.
Finding something where you feel like what you are doing is meaningful - even if in a very local small way - gets you grounded.
Look around and see if there is something you can do that involves service to your community (however you define that). For me volunteering as an EMT on weekends has helped me a lot.
Finding something where you feel like what you are doing is meaningful - even if in a very local small way - gets you grounded.
Good luck!