Spend some time reading about infertility at the start of the baby making process and I think you’ll find that it can terribly difficult. Especially as you progress into your mid/late 30s (women). And it is that starting process that can also cost lots of money, time, and energy.

Spend some time reading about infertility and you'll find that the number one cause for both men and women is obesity.

Every single one of my friends or acquaintances who is obese has had trouble conceiving. Every. Single. One.

Sure, I didn’t have that in mind but I would say it augments my point rather than refutes it.

Great call out. I forgot about some struggles in this regard myself, though IME dwarfed by the aftermath.

As two-kid dad, I definitely agree that the time, energy, and cost of delivering and raising kids is HUGE. It's not something that you should undervalue at all.

But I think we have this unfortunate habit of severely underweighting the start process and things that aren't obvious.

You probably experience lots of stress over the span of raising a kid (or more). Other people see that in the classic screaming-kid seemingly-helpless-parent visual. You may also experience that same stress, perhaps cumulatively more, just from the start because it's (1) VERY stressful when it doesn't work, and (2) a situation that can drag on for what feels like forever.

So, everyone commiserates over work it is to raise a kid but few people talk openly or at all about how hard it is to start the process of having a kid.

The toolbox for doing it sucks too. The public school and childcare infrastructure is absolute shit and private is an expensive crapshoot

That sounds like the toolbox when your kid is born. You are probably right as it pertains to the US. I’m talking about pre-birth part.

That really depends on the country, the smart move may require relocating to raise kids elsewhere.

Some jobs are unfortunately linked to areas where it’s really expensive to raise kids.

I've just looked at this recently, boarding school in Spain is around 12k per year

In the USA 12k buys you a half day of care or possibly a religious school if you are already a member

That's why I mentioned boarding schools, you don't have to live there to send your kids to it and also it might be good for them, nurture independence and a lot of experience with a foreign culture while also giving you flexibility and easing the burden of child raising.