A stable job just doesn't compete anymore. Single heterosexual girls want guys with prospects and/or family money. Some of these guys are afraid of dating, afraid that something might go wrong that could impact their careers. Deployments have also changed. Soldiers don't date or even talk to local girls anymore. Interestingly, many of these guys are also stone-sober. Not recovering alcoholics. They just don't drink. They don't ever hook up at bars. That bar scene you see in every military movie never happens. They always seem to be on guard for situations that might hurt their career. COVID-related lockdowns haven't helped either.
> Interestingly, many of these guys are also stone-sober. Not recovering alcoholics. They just don't drink. They don't ever hook up at bars. That bar scene you see in every military movie never happens.
Is that true in the enlisted ranks, as well, I wonder? I believe that I saw you mentioned in another comment that you were talking about officers.
Anyway, I can tell you from experience that 20 years ago, around the bases I was stationed at, it was definitely still happening. We went out on the weekends, we partied hard, we hooked up, dated, some of them even got married, etc., with local girls from bars and clubs.
Moreso the officers, but its really all of the career people who are very careful about socializing. Those who intend to get out after a few years and try for better things in the civilian world, they tend to party hard.
Do they have other social life, or just their job? I would suspect we've changed into being less social, not seeing friends either (replacing it with other entertainment or stuff to do).
I would argue we are just as social as before, but our social needs are able to be satisfied in the short-term by entertainment more than ever before, which dulls us from pursuing slow-burning-but-high-long-term-reward rewards like a stable relationship/marriage in favor of high-dopamine, low-risk, convenient, low-effort rewards like immersive video games and ever-more-enamoring leisure options.
In the 40s, what did a young man have as far as entertainment options? Books, theaters, cigars, racing his motor vehicle with friends, going to horse races, hanging out in bars, finding a public telephone box to call someone, etc.
In the 80s, 40 years later, you had all of the above, as well as basic 8-bit arcade machines (more social because of the high score aspect, going to the arcade with friends etc), then the advent of the IBM PC and cohorts (yes HN I'm skipping the PCs that beat IBM's product to market, hand wave with me please) which enabled computer games with interactive stories and explorations, as well as home media and basic, basic internet connectivity (BBS, Usenet etc.)
40 years later in 2020, we have all of the above plus social media, greater fidelity movies, television shows streamed on demand, the interactivity of the web has made itself available in our pockets in the form of smartphones, smart watches, and tablets, we have virtual reality headsets for even more immersive UX, and all of this is before said social media platforms and app makers started their algorithm iterations in earnest to increase engagement and maximize distraction/user attention time.
In the span of 80 years time we haven't gotten less social by nature, but the sheer amount of engaging dopamine hits we can get from entertainment has gone way up versus ye olde library book or baseball game, so the boredom factor that pushed us to hang out with friends and eventually pair up with someone special is much lessened.
I think even media has evolved to become less useful for meeting people. Of course because of the technology shift from simultaneous viewing/broadcast to on-demand.
Watching movies at the cinema -> you can/want to go with friends. Watching netflix -> you can't watch with anyone except a close partner, because everyone has their own progress point to continue from in whatever series they are watching.
Could it be social life is harder now? I'm atheist so this is not for me but if the majority of people used to go to church they had at least one chance a week to meet people and not only just meet random people to but to get to know people over time.
I believe many relationship form after you get to know someone casually over time (classmates, church members) but many people, myself include, stopped going to classes after college and don't go to church.
That leaves at best dating sites but dating sites are super awkward because instead of getting to know someone first, like the examples above, you're instead in a situation where you're supposed to decide yes or no immediately ("do you want to date me?").
Oh, they are interested. Military guys get caught up in romance/blackmail scams all the time. It is a big deal when it comes to security clearances/background checks. They occasionally go out to bars, usually at the behest of their married friends. A single guy with a well-paid government job just isn't a winner these days. Our unit padre told me about a "singles" event organized amongst some local units/churches a few (10?) years ago. Total disaster. 4:1 male/female ratio and many of the women who showed up were not technically single but rather "going through a divorce".
You got that backwards. Teenagers are horny and want a "romantic" life in the bedroom. Once they get older they slowly lose that drive and finding a partner requires a huge amount of "activation energy".
