So basically the Sony Xperia XZ2 Compact[0], then. Unfortunately this phone is approaching four years out of date. I owned it (still do, technically; I just gave it to a relative) and it was by and large the best smartphone I ever had. Even 4 years after purchase, the battery still lasts for 5+ hours of screen-on-time, the front-firing speakers are extremely powerful, and there are no noticeable slowdowns. It experienced some water damage early on, so the screen likes to randomly spazz out on occasion; there is also no headphone jack (this was when Sony attempted to follow the trend, to tremendous backlash).

Addendum: I daresay many of the demographic here at Hacker News likes phones similar to that of /r/Android: headphone jack, notchless rectangular display, SD card slot, notification LED, not-too-crazy design, and there's literally only one company doing all this: Sony.

[0]: https://www.gsmarena.com/compare.php3?idPhone1=9082&idPhone2...