I wonder if a version of Python with types with some way to force programs to be total would be a 'good enough' substitute. JavaScript has `"use strict";`, `# use total` could ban recursion and loops over non-constants. You'd have to work hard to ensure things were really total, e.g. ban assigning functions to variables, but maybe you could make it hard enough to pay off.
Starlark is a version of this, and it's used by Bazel in particular. It's very cool tech, and sidesteps the difficulties of ensuring Python works without shipping a specific Python interpreter.