Some of us are able to use shame as a motivator. I am the only individual in my known family that isn’t obese. Everyone on my mothers side and the few I know on my fathers side are all obese. While I was growing up I was told that I too would become obese once “your metabolism slows down.”
Fortunately that hasn’t happened because avoiding potential shame has guided my choices.
I used shame to give up alcohol and tobacco. I used shame to make corrections in my relationship with my wife.
It definitely can be used like that successfully. Generally there's long term impacts of internalized shame like that though, which can bring about lots of anxiety and depression.
I've been trying to find positive reframes for things like that -- "I want to quit smoking because I care about my health and want to take care of my body" vs "I want to quit smoking because otherwise I'm just a fuckup that's going to die of cancer"
(at the very least in this case, "I want to quit smoking because I'm tired of hacking up a lung every morning feeling like I'm going to die", which is more a biological imperative than anything)
Glad you're physically healthier for it, and that you're tending to personal relationships. Please be sure to take care of the mind as well :)
I smoked for ~18 years and I stopped cold turkey by using one simple trick. I associated smoking with an individual that I did not like. This was an individual who had no admirable qualities at all and they smoked.
Whenever I thought of having a smoke, I would instantly think of that individual and asked myself if I wanted to be associated with them by smoking like they do. It did the trick.
I also keep repeating the following to myself:
“Few things say ‘look at me, I’m a complete idiot’ quite like smoking a cigarette.”
I had to be able to respect myself and I absolutely could not respect myself whilst also using tobacco.
Fortunately that hasn’t happened because avoiding potential shame has guided my choices.
I used shame to give up alcohol and tobacco. I used shame to make corrections in my relationship with my wife.