You know, contrary to what others have said, you can debug yourself to a reasonable extent. It just takes shit ton of time and effort. And on top of that, you still might not get anywhere. For these reasons you might want to listen to what others have advised as it is a solid advice.
Warning: the following text is based only on anecdotal evidence and I am not a medical professional at all.
If I understand your situation correctly, your main problem are toxic habits you have formed, that of procrastination and then trying to excuse yourself. For every habit you have, there is a trigger. What you need to do first is to find the trigger(s). Get really good at noticing the triggers, first after you act on them, gradually try to do it before you act on them. Think about them. Ask yourself, what is their biological purpose. What is it that you are trying to compensate for (the answer is almost always dopamine), follow up with why do you need such compensation. Develop your own questions. Write the shit down. All of it. But do not ever be judgemental, only observe. This important, as judging yourself will prevent you from deeper introspection due to pain and clouded thoughts that are related. Do not judge yourself or your feelings. Just observe what happens. Gradually you'll see you have developed a habit of thinking instead of procrastinating. You can expand then your thinking to what would be more appropriate responses to your triggers and start mindfully executing them. The key is not to beat yourself to it, there will be setbacks and it is normal.
A side note, depending on your procrastination circumstances, it might be a good idea to refrain from visualizing big success in your head, esp. after small achievements. It just might spark the dopamine craving (and thus to procrastinate) and it might become far too easy to overcome.
What this approach does is it allows you to better understand yourself, your feelings. Procrastination might go away, it's just a habit and replacing a habit is actually scientifically examined process. One more thing is, as you become to understand yourself more, you also stop feeling hateful towards yourself.
Now, I am going to repeat, seeing a therapist is the best advice you could get, feel free to disregard the wall of text above. See multiple ones before deciding which one works for you the best. Good luck.
Warning: the following text is based only on anecdotal evidence and I am not a medical professional at all.
If I understand your situation correctly, your main problem are toxic habits you have formed, that of procrastination and then trying to excuse yourself. For every habit you have, there is a trigger. What you need to do first is to find the trigger(s). Get really good at noticing the triggers, first after you act on them, gradually try to do it before you act on them. Think about them. Ask yourself, what is their biological purpose. What is it that you are trying to compensate for (the answer is almost always dopamine), follow up with why do you need such compensation. Develop your own questions. Write the shit down. All of it. But do not ever be judgemental, only observe. This important, as judging yourself will prevent you from deeper introspection due to pain and clouded thoughts that are related. Do not judge yourself or your feelings. Just observe what happens. Gradually you'll see you have developed a habit of thinking instead of procrastinating. You can expand then your thinking to what would be more appropriate responses to your triggers and start mindfully executing them. The key is not to beat yourself to it, there will be setbacks and it is normal.
A side note, depending on your procrastination circumstances, it might be a good idea to refrain from visualizing big success in your head, esp. after small achievements. It just might spark the dopamine craving (and thus to procrastinate) and it might become far too easy to overcome.
What this approach does is it allows you to better understand yourself, your feelings. Procrastination might go away, it's just a habit and replacing a habit is actually scientifically examined process. One more thing is, as you become to understand yourself more, you also stop feeling hateful towards yourself.
Now, I am going to repeat, seeing a therapist is the best advice you could get, feel free to disregard the wall of text above. See multiple ones before deciding which one works for you the best. Good luck.