You need to open your mind a bit. There is something in between the 50 storey apartment block and detached suburban sprawl. Liveable cities have 4-5 stories, wide footpaths, car-free squares where kids can be supervised at a distance but mostly left to their own devices. Amenities within walking/biking distance.
As a parent, I trade off having less space in exchange for a walkable environment for my children to play and live in. I am lucky to live in a city where my children can safely walk to their friends house and take a city bus to school. They have some autonomy and won't be arrested for going to buy a doughnut unsupervised, like in the USA.
Also, no, I don't have my own metalworking shop, but I do have a Hackerspace nearby, which not only has more tools and equipment than I could ever need, but people to enjoy them with.
The US suburban life is all fear and isolation based. Your home is your castle, your lawn is a moat. Your SUV/Pickup is your steed, used to go into battle every day with a hostile world. You can have a gun before you can have a beer... You only think you need all that space because your are not willing to share it with others as part of a communal society.
> You only think you need all that space because your are not willing to share it with others as part of a communal society
Yeah pretty much. Hell is other people. The few years I spent living in "walkable" neighborhoods exactly like what you describe were the most depressing times of my life, where I wound up contemplating suicide frequently.
The truth is that what you are describing is the ideal and reality is often far from that.
In my case you couldn't go play football in the park, because it was a homeless camp. You could walk to a lot of things but it was basically just endless arrays of coffee shops and such. There were grocery stores in walking distance but they were all priced at a premium. Housing prices and rent prices were sky high, and rental rates were so low that landlords were able to get away with illegal shit like raising yearly rent by more than the legal allowed percentage. Majority of rentals wouldn't let you own a pet, which sucked too. There wasn't any kind of accessible maker space, for that you had to drive. It wasn't even very close to transit! I knew a lot of young families lived in my area but I never saw kids outside playing.
So no, my wanting to be away from that existence is nothing to do with fear of people. Just a desire to have my own space where I don't have to hear my neighbors through the walls all the time. A desire to be able to own the place where I live, and change it however I like. The desire to have enough space that I can set up my own gym/shop/whatever I like, without having to pay a subscription to access it and then compete with other people to actually use it when I want to.
I'm sorry about your experience. Sounds bad, and to be honest I see echos of that in my city. But in my experience, briefly living in suburban/exurban MA and CT USA, I was hugely depressed by the experience and felt lonely, uninspired and trapped.
It’s not about not wanting to share it, it’s about owning it in the first place. I can’t share what I don’t own. All my leisure time rented to me by the hour isn’t community. Listing a friend who is between leases crash in your spare room and use your garage to store their stuff is community. Handing out all the fresh vegetables you grew this season to your neighbors is community. Loaning your friend tools for a renovation they’re doing is community. Having band practice in your garage is community.
Look, I agree with you, it would be amazing if we had actual community spaces, but I didn’t make the system I just live in it. Short of starting a commune (I’ve tried, there was a 4k square ft repurposed church with like 12 bedrooms and lots of land in the city for less than the average home I wanted to go in on with my friends) having a home is the best you can do to have a space that’s yours and you can share with others.
Jeez you make that sound awful. If my kids want to play outside they can play in my enclosed, private, backyard. If I want to sit and read on my iPad in the hot tub or watch a movie in the pool I can do that. If I want to tinker, I can do that and grab a beer from my garage fridge while cooking. I'll take that over what you're offering.
Also, no, I don't have my own metalworking shop, but I do have a Hackerspace nearby, which not only has more tools and equipment than I could ever need, but people to enjoy them with.
The US suburban life is all fear and isolation based. Your home is your castle, your lawn is a moat. Your SUV/Pickup is your steed, used to go into battle every day with a hostile world. You can have a gun before you can have a beer... You only think you need all that space because your are not willing to share it with others as part of a communal society.