I think the debate as such is around insurgent warfare, where you're not fighting organized, unformed armies so much as bands of militias and guerillas, and the line between combatant and civilian is entirely transactional.
Total war stopped being a thing once it became certain the next one would lead to global nuclear annihilation.
Welcome to the fundamental ethical dilemma underlying the debate around the Total War concept.
I don't claim to have all the answers.