I don't understand why you would feel like a fool assuming you entered the relationship eyes-wide-open.
Regarding your second point, you switch from first person to saying what is important to many people. But: 1) why should I believe you on that count? 2) in the context of a _personal_ relationship, why does it matter what's important to others? (Minus, of course, _one_ other.)
Without trying trying to put too many words in your mouth, perhaps you are seeking a trophy more than a partner? Someone you can support and be proud of -- just like you might feel pride for an old car you restored. And who won't embarass you by her past conduct?
Have you considered approaching relationships from a different angle? For example, you might consider love to be an incredible gift that can only be given freely. Or you might consider a relationship as the ultimate trust-building-game, and a fun one too. Or that the unit of significance isn't the individual but the couple. To name some examples.
In my opinion, you are viewing a relationship in instrumental terms. That is, "what will it give _me_." But such a view is inherently incompatible with the project of love, I believe.
I don't understand why you would feel like a fool assuming you entered the relationship eyes-wide-open.
Regarding your second point, you switch from first person to saying what is important to many people. But: 1) why should I believe you on that count? 2) in the context of a _personal_ relationship, why does it matter what's important to others? (Minus, of course, _one_ other.)
Without trying trying to put too many words in your mouth, perhaps you are seeking a trophy more than a partner? Someone you can support and be proud of -- just like you might feel pride for an old car you restored. And who won't embarass you by her past conduct?
Have you considered approaching relationships from a different angle? For example, you might consider love to be an incredible gift that can only be given freely. Or you might consider a relationship as the ultimate trust-building-game, and a fun one too. Or that the unit of significance isn't the individual but the couple. To name some examples.
In my opinion, you are viewing a relationship in instrumental terms. That is, "what will it give _me_." But such a view is inherently incompatible with the project of love, I believe.