It is important not to think of black-white alternatives. The style "good job, kid!", "great effort, little man/woman!" is undoubtedly paternalistic.
There are people who like this style on both sides of the conversation, but in my experience, these are not high performers who make a difference in an initiative, a company, or a group of friends.
Now, the alternative to paternalism is not rudeness, or brutality, but, as I see it, a clear communication that does not infantilize people, but treat them seriously, like serious adult people, and not kids who have to be coddled or paid excessive attention too, or, even worse, as "damaged goods".
A few years ago, I received a message from someone I had a date with, and they used the sandwich, paternalistic style of communication that most adults dislike.
"Hi, it was great to meet you and we had such a great time. Unfortunately, I don't think it would work etc. I wish you the very best/you are a great guy/see you around".
Unsurprisingly, they were working in corporate.
It is annoying to be treated like kids when there are white hairs on semi-bald heads.
>”Hi, it was great to meet you and we had such a great time.”
Is it hard to believe that someone could have a great time with you but not see you as a future partner for themselves?
Maybe this visceral dislike for this style of communication is why? You’re entitled to your opinion and preferences as are they. If you’re willing to look past yourself, maybe that person thought you were too much, instead of too little. Maybe you were further down the road than they are and they want someone closer to where they are in the journey.
I’m simply stating that expressing praise for a thing doesn’t have to be clouded in ulterior motives like trying to prove you know better. You can simply reply back “Thanks, I had a great time too. If you ever change your mind or want to hang out again, give me a ring. If not, I hope you find your happiness, whatever that looks like for you.”
There are people who like this style on both sides of the conversation, but in my experience, these are not high performers who make a difference in an initiative, a company, or a group of friends.
Now, the alternative to paternalism is not rudeness, or brutality, but, as I see it, a clear communication that does not infantilize people, but treat them seriously, like serious adult people, and not kids who have to be coddled or paid excessive attention too, or, even worse, as "damaged goods".
A few years ago, I received a message from someone I had a date with, and they used the sandwich, paternalistic style of communication that most adults dislike. "Hi, it was great to meet you and we had such a great time. Unfortunately, I don't think it would work etc. I wish you the very best/you are a great guy/see you around". Unsurprisingly, they were working in corporate. It is annoying to be treated like kids when there are white hairs on semi-bald heads.