Still, having such low self-esteem after individually accomplishing quite a lot more than what 95% of people on Earth (not counting in history) has been able to is a sign you need to look into with some professional help.
It's not healthy, your sense of self-value seems to be completely tied to external perceptions and expectations. Answer to yourself: who are you, actually?
I’ve gotten help, none of it has changed anything. The gist of it is just reinforcement that I’m stuck being a failure, clearly unable to progress in life due to a lack of something. Probably a mix of grit and intelligence, heavily weighted on intelligence.
