Just for once I’d like to see such a statement look like, “You sheep probably want a comment on today’s news. We’re not doing that. We’re just content to buy up all the shares you’re panic-dumping. Looking forward to flipping them back to you next week when you panic in the other direction.”

(Assuming they have some plan that gives them the flexibility to trade shares directly on the market like that. I think $GME had something like this?)

Edit: And, of course, actually mean it, unlike Caroline Ellison and the $22 FTT: https://twitter.com/carolinecapital/status/15892874579753041...

It's hilarious that people are commenting about Microsoft being "down". It's up over a $100 per share since the beginning of the year and at an all-time high.

Retail didn’t move MSFT stock yesterday on that news. It was HFT bots reacting to the news. Nobody panicked.

Nobody panicked? I suspect that's beyond what your current evidence, plus general knowledge of market behavior, can justify.

People may have panicked, but the move happened too quickly for a human to react in time

You still can't justify a claim that nobody panic-sold, given what you know. Let's try to stick to claims we have a basis to believe, instead of fighting noise with noise.

A more reasonable claim from your epistemic state could be something like, "There was no major crash from the news, as might be seen in a general panic."

It began the day up 54.75% YTD and ended the day up 50.6% YTD. They've had single-day downswings as large or larger like 30 times this year alone. Microsoft is fine.

No one is saying they aren't fine, but Microsoft has a lot of shares, and shareholders can be very annoying. If Satya didn't make a statement there'd be dozens of Important People breathing down his neck.