I really enjoyed the write up. As father to a 2y/o as well I relate so hard to much of it.
This line sticks out to me:
you see life as a collection of experiences to be sampled
...because I feel like that was my hardest adjustment to becoming a parent while the vast majority of my friend circles are either single or DINKs. You very quickly become a sideline to many people. You get invitations to join the pint after work, to go hit up the trails each weekend, to travel, to do frivolous things on a whim but you just...can't anymore. I think I struggled with that transition for a long time. Partially worried I would lose my friends and become isolated, partially the FOMO of no longer being able to partake on all the things that were most enjoyable to me.
But thinking about it at this point? I've lost a few friends (not in a breakup sort of way, they just slowly faded out) but the ones who stick around were always those I was closest to. I do miss out on a lot more of the hobbies I once loved but at the same time I've traded those for experiences that are new, different, and fulfilling in their own ways. I've truly been a believer that the best reward always comes after a period of suffering or struggle. In the same way that cold glass of water feels like heaven after a strenuous workout that immense feeling of reward when your kid takes first steps, first words, first sentence just crush all other emotions and swell you with joy and love. Is 2 years of hard work worth that immense wash of emotion? Arguably yes. And I hope to keep getting hit with those experiences.
I've never been shy to say it isn't something for everyone. You sacrifice a lot to have kids. Financially, physically, emotionally, mentally, it all takes a toll, but the rewards are also so much deeper than anything else.
tbf it works both ways. My wife and I are child-free by choice. We haven't lost friends, but they definitely became generally unavailable after the kids arrived. They also made new friends, as kids are an incredibly common thing to relate to. They'll "come back" in 15 years or so, but still.
This line sticks out to me:
...because I feel like that was my hardest adjustment to becoming a parent while the vast majority of my friend circles are either single or DINKs. You very quickly become a sideline to many people. You get invitations to join the pint after work, to go hit up the trails each weekend, to travel, to do frivolous things on a whim but you just...can't anymore. I think I struggled with that transition for a long time. Partially worried I would lose my friends and become isolated, partially the FOMO of no longer being able to partake on all the things that were most enjoyable to me.But thinking about it at this point? I've lost a few friends (not in a breakup sort of way, they just slowly faded out) but the ones who stick around were always those I was closest to. I do miss out on a lot more of the hobbies I once loved but at the same time I've traded those for experiences that are new, different, and fulfilling in their own ways. I've truly been a believer that the best reward always comes after a period of suffering or struggle. In the same way that cold glass of water feels like heaven after a strenuous workout that immense feeling of reward when your kid takes first steps, first words, first sentence just crush all other emotions and swell you with joy and love. Is 2 years of hard work worth that immense wash of emotion? Arguably yes. And I hope to keep getting hit with those experiences.
I've never been shy to say it isn't something for everyone. You sacrifice a lot to have kids. Financially, physically, emotionally, mentally, it all takes a toll, but the rewards are also so much deeper than anything else.