> Rather, it's a byproduct of a seriously messed up world/society/personal relations landscape, that depressed individuals are more sensitive to or have felt more deeply.
As I went to bed last night, I found myself thinking about this comment.
A couple of years ago, I was working at a well-known tech company and doing very well. My boss was a legitimate, clinical psychopath, but I made the most of it, working hard, coming in on weekends and snow days, etc. For my effort and talent, I received a raise and super-secret "restricted stock units we only give to the people we want to keep" after only a few months. My final performance review was glowing.
Having had enough of my boss and feeling that I'd built up enough runway to make a jump, I asked my boss's boss for a transfer to a different manager. The request was received positively and as it was in process, my immediate boss found out (probably from another manager asking about me) and summarily fired me. The act of cleaning out my desk and saying an awkward goodbye to people in the office is as clear to me as if it happened yesterday.
Because he had neglected to consult with his management chain about it, he was also out the door as soon as the threat of a lawsuit from me had passed a few months later. (If you're wondering, I did make some empty legal threats after the fact, which is why I couldn't go back. In retrospect, I probably could have returned if I'd kept my cool. I regret this mistake more than anything I did beforehand, without a doubt.)
Since then, I've suffered from PTSD, extreme anxiety and secondary depression, have been almost completely unemployed and largely withdrew from normal society. I don't have many friends anymore, don't date, don't go out... I basically just keep to myself, code, and play video games. Interacting with people didn't work out so well, so I guess, subconsciously and maybe a little consciously, I just decided not to deal with them anymore.
Getting back to your comment, @coldtea, I've often wondered which is true: Do I (a) have a "chemical imbalance" caused by unmet life expectations that causes me to be anxious and depressed or am I (b) depressed because the veil that had theretofore kept me from seeing/understanding the true shitty nature of the world was lifted?
I find my mind frequently drifting into "wow, everything is fucked up" territory. And there's plenty of fuel to keep the engine running. Everything from terrorism to wealth inequality to labor destruction to race issues to dictatorships to privacy loss to partisan gridlock in Washington... the world is absolutely and in a thousand different ways, flagrantly unfair. Then I get even further depressed about feeling depressed when I compare my relatively cushy life to that of, say, a Palestinian or Ugandan.
Wealth (and as a corollary, race) inequality is the one that gets me the most. Technology is advancing to post-scarcity -- the point where there are enough resources on this globe that everyone should be able to make it by with minimal (or even zero) effort.
But that's not what's happening. Keynes was wrong about the 15-hour work week of the future. Instead, we've gotten a bi-modal distribution of the disgustingly wealthy and growing numbers (in the US) of the destitute who have to work more hours at degrading jobs just to get by. Most people still have to work at things they do not enjoy, an artificial construct held in place by the powers that be. In this 21st century, there is enough to go around, it's just not distributed properly.
To be clear, I don't mind working and have a long history of hopefully-interesting side-projects (which I'd hoped would break me out of the must-work 99% group). What I do mind is working for "them" because I need to make X dollars to live in the world "they" have constructed. Even when I did work for "them" I didn't hate it. But now... it's harder to accept.
What pill is going to make me forget these harsh realities of the world? What pill is going to make me say "Oh sure, I'll get a wife and have some kids, even though they'll be relegated to psuedo-slavery just like I am." None.
So I think what you said (which I quoted above) is dead-right. Because of an event in my life, my eyes were opened to the real unfairness of the world.
And that's the real reason I struggle with depression -- my understanding of the world improved.
As I went to bed last night, I found myself thinking about this comment.
A couple of years ago, I was working at a well-known tech company and doing very well. My boss was a legitimate, clinical psychopath, but I made the most of it, working hard, coming in on weekends and snow days, etc. For my effort and talent, I received a raise and super-secret "restricted stock units we only give to the people we want to keep" after only a few months. My final performance review was glowing.
Having had enough of my boss and feeling that I'd built up enough runway to make a jump, I asked my boss's boss for a transfer to a different manager. The request was received positively and as it was in process, my immediate boss found out (probably from another manager asking about me) and summarily fired me. The act of cleaning out my desk and saying an awkward goodbye to people in the office is as clear to me as if it happened yesterday.
Because he had neglected to consult with his management chain about it, he was also out the door as soon as the threat of a lawsuit from me had passed a few months later. (If you're wondering, I did make some empty legal threats after the fact, which is why I couldn't go back. In retrospect, I probably could have returned if I'd kept my cool. I regret this mistake more than anything I did beforehand, without a doubt.)
Since then, I've suffered from PTSD, extreme anxiety and secondary depression, have been almost completely unemployed and largely withdrew from normal society. I don't have many friends anymore, don't date, don't go out... I basically just keep to myself, code, and play video games. Interacting with people didn't work out so well, so I guess, subconsciously and maybe a little consciously, I just decided not to deal with them anymore.
Getting back to your comment, @coldtea, I've often wondered which is true: Do I (a) have a "chemical imbalance" caused by unmet life expectations that causes me to be anxious and depressed or am I (b) depressed because the veil that had theretofore kept me from seeing/understanding the true shitty nature of the world was lifted?
I find my mind frequently drifting into "wow, everything is fucked up" territory. And there's plenty of fuel to keep the engine running. Everything from terrorism to wealth inequality to labor destruction to race issues to dictatorships to privacy loss to partisan gridlock in Washington... the world is absolutely and in a thousand different ways, flagrantly unfair. Then I get even further depressed about feeling depressed when I compare my relatively cushy life to that of, say, a Palestinian or Ugandan.
Wealth (and as a corollary, race) inequality is the one that gets me the most. Technology is advancing to post-scarcity -- the point where there are enough resources on this globe that everyone should be able to make it by with minimal (or even zero) effort.
But that's not what's happening. Keynes was wrong about the 15-hour work week of the future. Instead, we've gotten a bi-modal distribution of the disgustingly wealthy and growing numbers (in the US) of the destitute who have to work more hours at degrading jobs just to get by. Most people still have to work at things they do not enjoy, an artificial construct held in place by the powers that be. In this 21st century, there is enough to go around, it's just not distributed properly.
To be clear, I don't mind working and have a long history of hopefully-interesting side-projects (which I'd hoped would break me out of the must-work 99% group). What I do mind is working for "them" because I need to make X dollars to live in the world "they" have constructed. Even when I did work for "them" I didn't hate it. But now... it's harder to accept.
What pill is going to make me forget these harsh realities of the world? What pill is going to make me say "Oh sure, I'll get a wife and have some kids, even though they'll be relegated to psuedo-slavery just like I am." None.
So I think what you said (which I quoted above) is dead-right. Because of an event in my life, my eyes were opened to the real unfairness of the world.
And that's the real reason I struggle with depression -- my understanding of the world improved.