But are they just trying to hide and conceal they still support him, trying to hide and conceal that they supported him, or do they truly regret and repent for supporting him?
Based on my anecdotes, most probably fit in the former category.
It takes a great deal of hate and bigotry to be able to support someone like Trump in the first place.
That doesn't go away over night. But I think a lot of them are trying to hide their support because they know that their votes are actively making America worse. But the original hatred and bigotry remain.
I just replaced all four rotors and pad sets on my Land Cruiser. It took me ~75 minutes to do it in my driveway. And that included rotating the tires.
I wounder how long the same repairs would take on a car with this new braking system. I wonder if I'd even be able to do the repairs myself with investing in a better scan/diagnostic tool.
I'm doing my best to prevent myself from being on thin ice with my future-me.
I posted recently about how I divorced not too long ago. I'm in an apartment now (for the first time in 16 years) while I stack up cash to build a new house.
I always think I'm not making any progress but then I see my next door neighbors ordering DoorDash 15+ times per week, and I realize that I'm doing pretty damn good for myself.
Or I walk by the mirror and think about how I've neglected my lifting for the past 6 months while I finished up this SWE degree. But I'll see those same neighbors struggle to walk up the stairs and I again realize that I'm making some awesome choices compared to those two folks.
I was married for 12 years. We had a reasonably amicable divorce back in October 23. We have 50/50 custody of our son. He's with me 3 nights one week and 4 nights the following week.
Since our divorce, I haven't spent any energy pursuing another lady, and I'm unsure if I will ever do so.
I have no desire to ever be in a relationship again. I am thriving now career-wise and health-wise.
I cooked better than my ex-wife could ever imagine. I keep a cleaner home than my ex-wife could ever imagine. While married, I handled everything in our house except for her laundry. She wouldn't allow me to do her laundry, or I would have done that too.
I handled all the automobile and home repairs. Now, I can do that all for myself and my son while having the time and freedom to pursue interests without offending someone else.
For a 43-year-old man like myself, I see no benefit in being in a relationship. I spent my formative years running wild in the Caribbean, burning through women as a plow cut through the snow. I'm glad I got all that out of my system as a young man. Now, all I'm focused on is providing my son with all the opportunities and experiences I never had as a child.
My mother was married 4 times, and I was forced to live with 3 different step-fathers. There is no way I would ever put my son through something like that.
Do you think your past has perhaps effected your ability to have a solid relationship? I feel like your post is like someone saying: "I'm never playing basketball again. I have to get new shoes. I have to drive somewhere. I played on a team once and my teammates were assholes. I get tired and sweaty afterwards. I have a lot more time if I don't play basketball". Perhaps basketball could be fun with the right people. I'm not trying to convince you you need a relationship to be happy, but there is a lack of awareness it seems when you say you ar the product of multiple broken relationships and you had a broken relationship of your own and don't connect the dots. I would never want to put my child through what you describe either. There are other options then 3 different step-fathers.
Perhaps. Seeing my mother's inability to keep a spouse certainly doesn't help. And seeing everyone else around me become divorced doesn't help either.
All of the fun I had as a young man served as a constant reminder that my marriage was a downgrade from my life as a single man.
Being married to someone means that you have to take their baggage and their family's baggage.
I grew tired of being the only competent man for five women to rely on. Not only did I have to solve my wife's problems, but I had to solve her mother's problems. And her single-mom sister's issues. And the issues of her two best friends.
Life as a single man in his 20’s is very different from a single man in his 60’s.
Not sure why you thought you had to solve all these other people’s problems, but it seems to be a strong reason why you divorced - unrealistic expectations on you without them taking any accountability for themselves.
I’m going through a divorce right now, just a couple years older than you. My family is very collectivist, hers individualist. They are so individualistic in fact that they literally don’t see a problem with getting pregnant by other men (gay friend for example) because “her body, her choice”, even when married.
That said, I refuse to believe this is the large majority. Billions of females in the world, millions of potential matches. The chances that there aren’t many many good ones I can match with are vanishingly small. Granted, the effort in finding them … that’s another story.
>I’m going through a divorce right now, just a couple years older than you. My family is very collectivist, hers individualist. They are so individualistic in fact that they literally don’t see a problem with getting pregnant by other men (gay friend for example) because “her body, her choice”, even when married.
I'm confused, perhaps I'm just having a stroke. You mean her family doesn't see a problem with your ex-Wife cheating and becoming pregnant with her supposedly gay male friend? Or they don't see a problem with your ex-Wife gay friend (female) which is married to another woman, becoming pregnant by a third party.
> They are so individualistic in fact that they literally don’t see a problem with getting pregnant by other men (gay friend for example) because “her body, her choice”, even when married.
Sounds worse than individualistic. Perhaps avoidant or narcissistic.
This type of behaviour is eventually going to lead to mandatory DNA testing at birth.
Agreed. My attitude may change. But I think I'm doing everything correctly during these first few years out of marriage. I didn't want to be one of those who jump right into another relationship. That isn't healthy for anyone, particularly my son.
I don't think this even needs to be gendered. I'm not insinuating any kind of bias in your comment, it just got me thinking that this is more "people" than a gender divide where women need more self reflection and men need lower standards.
People are selfish, self interested, & caught up in their own lives. Many people suck at consistently thinking about someone other than themselves, and are not good at sacrifice or compromise. It's truly a special thing when you find someone willing to put in equal effort.
At least where I live men work more hours than women at almost any point in life if you include everything like household chores etc. Women still say men should do more, so them asking for that doesn't mean they actually do more.
This is very prone to cultural differences so could be different where you live.
These generalizations make no sense person-wise. Everyone has their own set of shoulds, don’ts and do-it-myselves. There’s no single law with all the bullet points.
That said, your usual selection contains [too] many people’s shoulds and don’ts, on both sides.
Root comment in this light basically boils down to I do everything myself and don’t need anyone to break this perfect system. Which is reasonable, imo. If there’s no synergy by design and a person is okay alone, that’s reasonable.
Many have this perception that they are contributing far more than they actually are, and they come up with narratives like this to justify that false perception.
I think men who decide to feel this way instead of having a bit of humility and working on becoming better partners will find themselves stuck in miserable relationships or going down the incel pipeline. Their loss, I suppose...?
This is an outcome of a very narcissistic approach to life which is completely disconnected to the lived reality of another that you are supposed to love. That approach to life will lead to very dissatisfying relationships, though it will also lead to a generally miserable and frustrating life, so I'd recommend working to grow out of it if you can figure out a way.
On a separate note, generalizing about half the human population isn't going to result in the reliable insights you imagine, you'll mostly find your own projections. If you don't like what you see, chances are it's a you problem.
Well, if we're sharing completely unsourced bollocks, this is exactly the opposite of my own experience. A good number of men in my community seem to live like slobs, take poor care of their health, have zero emotional intelligence, throw tantrums at the slightest provocation, and support brain-dead politics for purely selfish reasons, yet expect their partners to be perfect little sex maids who tend to their every need. Their value on the dating market is not nearly as high as they seem to think it is.
His insights come from having eyes and ears, and knowing men and women in relationships. Anecdote for anecdote, your reply applies to you as well. For my own datapoint, I'm a youngish man who wasn't interested in anything long-term until I met my SO.
I've seen the lack of awareness/maturity in both my dates (women), friends (male & female), and in what people say about their exes in my circle. Of course, I'm excluding cheaters, people who refuse their meds, and downright abusers in both cases. Besides people being self-centered, the common issue is learned helplessness, which manifests differently depending on gender.
Ignoring straight harassment, even "positive" attention is a problem. Some women have had at least one person being "extra helpful" their whole lives, and even when inevitably some of the helpful guys are shocked that doing those favors didn't result in a blowie, it reinforces the idea "fuck them, if men are like that at least they should do my taxes." I've had to metaphorically use a spray bottle on friends who were in princess mode and "forgot how to fold their own tent" when camping or had their SO acting as basically a manservant. The male (and much more common IMO) counterpart is the momma's boy. Doesn't do anything about the chores and common spaces and must be reminded like a child by their SO to do the basics. Then they fuck it up on purpose so others must take up the slack.
The focus on contribution I see is weird; in this economy, stay-at-home anything is becoming rare. The expectation I see in my circle is that home duties are 50-50, with both earning. Did you date/marry the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? Is this just fixating on internet ragebait?
It sounds like you’ve had your fun in the early years, married a woman you loved for over a decade, have healthy children, wealth and top of it of, you had an amicable divorce, something that is extremely rare nowadays.
Unfortunately, your experience does not match the reality of many men these days, divorce is often catastrophic for them, heck even dating is impossible now. I hope you recognize and appreciate your luck and previlage.
It sounds like you’re at peace, I’m genuinely happy for you and I hope the status quo remains.
The year and a half I have spent single as an adult was the worst time of my adult life. I don’t see the point of living unless I have a wife who needs me.
My first marriage was a training experience that lasted five years and ended peaceably. I learned what not to do. My second has lasted 34 years, with a six month separation 15 years ago that clarified for both of us that life is intolerable without each other.
Respect is the blood and vitality of a marriage. Respect is an aphrodisiac and all-purpose cure. Respect inspires service.
We were married to the same person, except I did everything, including her laundry, and the divorce was very much not amicable.
That said: my ex-wife is a narcissistic and introverted human who does not appropriately interact with any other human, including her children; she views relationships as transactional (i.e., what’s in it for her).
While I am beyond damaged from my 25 year relationship with her and all of the insanely hurtful things she did to my emotional and mental well-being as well as my financial stability being she gets an absurd amount of alimony and all of the money she stole from the family over the years, particularly in preparation for divorce, my children need to see what a healthy relationship looks like and by focusing on them as the central point of my being, they may have that opportunity should I find someone else.
You are looking at it from a child and self-protectionist point of view and I’m looking at it from a healing one. They both have merit, but I just wanted to point out that living without a partner isn’t necessarily the only option post-divorce.
The bits where you talk about doing everything for her sound like you were in service rather than in relationship. I wouldn't want to sign up for servitude again either.
Yet, those sorts of behaviors could easily displace the development of relationship. Part of my being in relationship is also being supportive and doing the work but keeping it balanced has us discussing priorities and leaves us thinking, emoting, and creating together. The question isn't whether I can make a partners life good (I can) but whether they really want to know and partner with me. You may want something else though. Good luck with navigating life, it's tricky, complicated, and nuanced. I have no idea the right path but it stays worth trying to find better paths.
Depending on situation, it’s hard not to be at least a bit bitter. Divorce is incredibly painful; financially, emotionally, and mentally, particularly for those who are blindsided by it.
Don’t judge the bitterness; offer support and care as they heal.
I'm not bitter at all. I'm having a great time. I live in Auburn, AL. It's a huge college town. Whenever I need female company, I go to the gym or Publix and meet any number of random 20-30-year-old women. But I never let them meet my son, and I never let them stay at my home.
When I moved to the Portland area, I was amazed by how convenient the public transportation system was. During my two years there, I drove my car fewer than 50 times.
Yet, nearly every native Portlander I met thought I was crazy for relying on public transit. Many looked down on those who used it.
I had moved from the Caribbean, where public transportation was nonexistent, and traffic and parking were a constant nightmare. To me, Portland’s transit system felt like a game-changer—but locals didn’t seem to see it that way.
I was in the V.I for almost 10 years. They have the safari system set up but it only runs on the tourist routes. So you're out of luck unless you lived on one of the two main routes that had the safaris.
When the ports were full of cruise ships, you could expect to spend 45+ minutes getting from Charlotte Amalie to Red Hook. Sometimes I spent an hour going from Charlotte Amalie to Havensight. That was only a distance of about 2 miles.
The V.I is extremely corrupt and the taxi unions there have a great deal of influence. That's why the public transportation never improved while I lived there.
Who hated on the MAX? Other than it being a cattle car pre-covid and shutting down at like 10 or 11 everyone I knew liked it; There were more and more issues with the homeless, sure, but I don't know many portlanders who'd admit that was why they didn't like it.
I think there's some kind of filter bubble effect going on. And a little classism. People who use public transit like it and think everyone likes it, and people who never use it hate it and think everyone hates it. My ex-boss never used public transit despite living right next to a train stop, because he was rich and trains are for poor people. He probably didn't know that's how I got to the office Christmas party (in that area).
Perhaps, but from my experience, everyone in downtown PDX circa ~2015 rode the max to some degree. I am the least public transit friendly person in the world and even I rode it and loved it.
I left the area in October 2010, so maybe public transit became more popular after I was gone. I owned a home in SW Portland, about a 15-minute walk from the MAX station. That's a perfectly reasonable distance, even in the cold or rain.
I never knew where my neighbors worked, but I never saw them walking to or parking at the MAX station. None of my coworkers used it either.
For me, though, it was invaluable especially when I wanted to go out for a few drinks. And since it only ran until 10 or 11, it was the perfect excuse for not staying out too late.
I myself have always had luck with contacting customer service via Twitter. It's the only reason I have ever used Twitter.
I recently had a problem with FedEx that wasn't resolved with multiple phone calls and emails.
I messaged them on Twitter and had the problem resolved in minutes.
I've had the same luck when I had a problem with a collections department calling my phone daily for 2+ years. They were looking for an individual that must have owned my phone number prior to me.
I told the caller to remove my number from their list every time they called. I sent multiple emails.
I finally had luck by reaching out to their Twitter account and politely threatening to alert my attorney general. The issue was resolved that same day.
I stumbled upon a new way to get out of this same situation - they’d been looking for Joshua for five years by calling my phone, and I am very much not him. All kinds of tactics.
Mid last year, I just offered to pay the debt. Conversation looked like this:
Them: “Can I speak to Joshua?”
Me: “No, he’s not here, and I think he’s dead. But I’ll write you a check right now for the debt amount to stop you calling me. How much is it?”
Them: “So you are Joshua?”
Me: “No, I’m just irritated and you’ve won, I’ll solve this by paying you”
Them: “What is your social security number?”
Me: “Doesn’t matter. How much do I write this check for?”
Them: “We can’t tell you the debt amount without verifying you are Joshua”
Me: “Well, I guess we’re at an impasse then.”
And they haven’t called me again for nine glorious months.
Rodents love chewing on the electrical harnesses in these vehicles.
When I ran an import repair shop, my clients owned over 100 Jaguar sedans, and every single one of them was towed in at some point due to rodent-damaged wiring. While the problem wasn’t as severe with Land Rovers, we still had more than 40 of them towed in each year for the same issue.
In one of my previous flats we had rats and mice which we ignored - my flatmate was jain so very live and let live - until one day I turned the cooker on and there was a huge bang - they'd gnawed off the insulation on the power cables.
I didn't know about chillies but it might have helped.
It's a big problem in old airplanes too. I've known a few pilots who found out their nav lights (on the wingtips) weren't working anymore because a mouse got inside the wing.
I had a Subaru that required over $1000 in labor replace a $13 master wiring harness that was chewed by a rodent.
Of course, nothing will beat having a rodent die somewhere in the engine, and not noticing it until exiting the car after a 45 minute highway ride and making my in-laws neighborhood smell like someone barbecued rotten meat.
A skinny person is far more likely to be healthier than an obese person.
I have a secret that I use to keep myself healthy because I watched as most everyone else in my family struggled with obesity and its related health issues.
But your comment reminds me of the times I overhear the ladies in the office trash-talking another coworker who decided to lose weight and become healthier. I've honest to god heard morbidly obese coworkers try to justify their size and claim that they are in fact healthier than our skinny coworkers.
I promise I’m not trying to sound like a jackass. But I’ve been told that my secret is offensive to some people.
But it’s the same secret I’ve used to quit all of the bad habits in my life and also pivot from a ~20 year career in manual labor to a successful software engineering career.
I'm trying to take you at your word that you aren't trying to be a jackass, but I'm honestly having a really hard time reading this another way so I'll ask:
Are you saying that overweight people lack self-respect?
It is a somewhat laconic presentation, but what I take Hollywood to mean is that hen values hens future self more than hens current impulses, and applies constant vigilance to succeed at it.
It gets somewhat preachy to promote that one should practice delayed gratification instead of YOLO.
These types love to shoot themselves in the foot.