Please know that even if you've proven yourself to be a talented and compassionate manager over many years, the folks who report to you may have had many more years of managers and companies who did not do a good job of caring for their employees, or may have been outright terrible to them.
There's also the reality that, when corresponding with your employer, it's sort of like talking to the police: anything you say can and will be used against you.
If my manager had a "hey, what's going on?" conversation with me out of the blue, my immediate reaction would be concern. I honestly believe that my manager is a good guy who wants me to succeed, and I'm still very cautious about what I say to him. I know that I can never un-say anything. Also, losing this job would be difficult. Though I am a software engineer and could find work relatively quickly this would put me in a very difficult situation due to the US health insurance system and my wife's serious illness.
I would suggest:
1. In-person or video chats instead of email/slack when possible. Written words tend to be so much more prone to misunderstanding and can be used against a person more readily.
2. When possible, regular scheduled informal reviews with your reports, instead of unscheduled "what's going on?" queries. I've never understood why managers don't make time to talk to their reports one-on-one at least once a month. They could be short 15 minute conversations!
In my experience, number 1 only makes things worse. For a simple status check, it's better to educate the employees about what "status checks" are rather than let them assume... something I try to do day to day and kind of what I'm trying to do here. If you let them assume, most people IME assume that a video or in-person meeting is more important than slack/quick email. Remember that "is there anything I can help?" is a legitimate question, and that this is not a "management tips" thread, but rather about about an employee (or espouse of one) asking how to deal with managers.
Number 2 is a great good tip indeed, if you want a status report, just wait until the next bi-weekly meeting and it will look even more casual.
There's also the reality that, when corresponding with your employer, it's sort of like talking to the police: anything you say can and will be used against you.
If my manager had a "hey, what's going on?" conversation with me out of the blue, my immediate reaction would be concern. I honestly believe that my manager is a good guy who wants me to succeed, and I'm still very cautious about what I say to him. I know that I can never un-say anything. Also, losing this job would be difficult. Though I am a software engineer and could find work relatively quickly this would put me in a very difficult situation due to the US health insurance system and my wife's serious illness.
I would suggest:
1. In-person or video chats instead of email/slack when possible. Written words tend to be so much more prone to misunderstanding and can be used against a person more readily.
2. When possible, regular scheduled informal reviews with your reports, instead of unscheduled "what's going on?" queries. I've never understood why managers don't make time to talk to their reports one-on-one at least once a month. They could be short 15 minute conversations!